Reading these stories of 2020 first time moms grieves my heart. It is so wrong at a soul-level that you had to endure that. The idea that we “can” do any of this without vast communal support is infuriating. The idea of a walking group is brilliant, I might have to start one of those--I started a moms volunteer group, and the logistical lift was too much for all of us during this stage of life 🤣 Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
Thank you for commenting Alycia. I know 2020 was a rough time for many, filled with so much uncertainty, but pairing that with becoming a mum for the first time was quite brutal. I question the decisions that were made in terms of no hospital visits and so on and suspect we will see correlating social impacts over the next few decades. I defo recommend a walking group - do it! Xx
Thanks for sharing Natasha, so many horror stories from the Covid era. And such a good idea to start a walking group. Being around other mums helped me enormously in my postpartum time and I very quickly realised mothers are the only ones that can ever truly understand what you go through. We need each other 💛
Oh Natasha, my heart aches for you and what you must have felt in that four days alone with your baby. Thank you for addressing the loneliness... oh my gosh never have I felt more alone and yet also in need of space!!! The loneliness still gets to me... it’s like a soul deep loneliness, an ache or a longing and I often feel it’s beyond the physical... it’s like a generational innate thirst for mothering in community. I think this is what sparks so much of my grief and sadness and also my rage. How can it be like this?!? I also started a walking group of new Mamas and it was so well received but that was just before Covid so it had to stop... and then it never really got started again. I’ve always wanted to try again though. My dream is to hold Mother Circles to help fill this void. The days when I’m Mothering alongside another Mother... at a play date or just hanging out... they are when I feel most calm and at peace in my journey. I long for more of that but busy lives don’t always align. Anyway... as you can tell I could talk about this a lot. I’m so grateful to you for sharing this. Xxx
Thank you for sharing your experiences Lauren, it truly helped me process some of mine. And I resonate so much with the innate thirst for mothering in community. Something true, and real, and deep. I'm sorry to hear the walking group was another victim of Covid – it's a great resource to have touch points with other mums who are in the thick it. One conversation with another mum has the power to take me from "I'm failing at this, I'm a terrible mum" to "Ah, I'm pretty normal, my kids are doing okay." Xx
I've been thinking about this as well (wrote about it here too... :) ) Becoming Mother is so profound and has such enormous implications, yet in most societies we're left to figure it out alone with little support. It's so unreal.
Oh I hear you Natasha thank you so much for sharing. I really think covid was such an awful time for mothers and first time mums esp and it is now when I can take my toddlers to groups that I want to reach back to my self back then because I didn’t know how isolated I was, I didn’t know it was loneliness I felt back then it was just all very hard.
I still feel lonely now I’m out of work or at least if do work it isn’t as much of a community or connection to the outside world that i felt in the office now i’m wfh.
I’m impressed you started your own walking group I never had the confidence to do something like that and now i can go to groups whilst i haven’t made loads of friends i can see the importance of just having some adult conversation and some support.
Your words will be a great comfort to others thank you.
Thank you so much for your comment Kylie-Ann. I can really relate to not knowing how isolated you were at the time, it's only on reflection that I truly recognise how alone I felt at that time and that I was truly in need of connection. Within weeks of starting the walking group I made everyone admin, so it takes the pressure off me solely managing it but also allows others to take lead on walk suggestions. It's been a good resource for all things baby and children. If you ever feel the pull, I'd encourage you to try; you never know! Xx
It felt so brave and raw and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. I’m so glad you have your walking group now. Connection with other women is so important.
I first gave birth in 2013 and I don’t know that I did feel lonely. There were a lot of other issues to consider but I found community there. I’m still close friends with a number of those women I found back then and they were always there at the end of my phone when I birthed my second baby in 2020.
I remember thinking, then, how fucking awful it would be if I didn’t know those women at that point. How fucking awful and scary and terrifyingly hard it would be if I’d gone through that - everything birthing in the pandemic threw at us - as my first time.
I think, after the pandemic, a lot of the loud noisy baby groups came back but lots of the other kind - the kind I benefited from - the kind where it’s not really about the baby or the songs but where you just sit and have a cuppa and someone else rocks your baby for five minutes so your arms can rest - those kinds of groups never resurfaced. I found that really hard. I looked for them in my local area really hard. and they were gone.
I set up a women’s health hub last April and we’re trying to fill this gap ❤️ but what I have found is that, people have almost forgotten what that kind of connection looks like. I’ve had to work really hard to remind them, to get them to come along, to show them how it can look.
I’m hopeful though that, if enough of us come together, and can sustain our energy for the work, that we can turn it around. Because, unlike haemorrhoids, I don’t think loneliness has to be a part of a persons postpartum experience.
Thank you for your insights Zoe and sharing, specifically the differences between your two children as it relates to socialising. Even with the walking group, which has provided to be a really valuable resource for many, had a certain shallowness to it being that it was manufactured. I think everyone is still learning how to be in the world and how to connect post-Covid, and that's paticularly difficult for new mums who are already questioning themselves so much; sometimes it's easier not to socialise and I believe a lot of women retreat as a result of that. F*ck pp loneliness! Xx
Reading these stories of 2020 first time moms grieves my heart. It is so wrong at a soul-level that you had to endure that. The idea that we “can” do any of this without vast communal support is infuriating. The idea of a walking group is brilliant, I might have to start one of those--I started a moms volunteer group, and the logistical lift was too much for all of us during this stage of life 🤣 Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
Thank you for commenting Alycia. I know 2020 was a rough time for many, filled with so much uncertainty, but pairing that with becoming a mum for the first time was quite brutal. I question the decisions that were made in terms of no hospital visits and so on and suspect we will see correlating social impacts over the next few decades. I defo recommend a walking group - do it! Xx
Thanks for this. Sure wish I'd known about all this when I had my first son, back in '72.
Thanks for sharing Natasha, so many horror stories from the Covid era. And such a good idea to start a walking group. Being around other mums helped me enormously in my postpartum time and I very quickly realised mothers are the only ones that can ever truly understand what you go through. We need each other 💛
Oh Natasha, my heart aches for you and what you must have felt in that four days alone with your baby. Thank you for addressing the loneliness... oh my gosh never have I felt more alone and yet also in need of space!!! The loneliness still gets to me... it’s like a soul deep loneliness, an ache or a longing and I often feel it’s beyond the physical... it’s like a generational innate thirst for mothering in community. I think this is what sparks so much of my grief and sadness and also my rage. How can it be like this?!? I also started a walking group of new Mamas and it was so well received but that was just before Covid so it had to stop... and then it never really got started again. I’ve always wanted to try again though. My dream is to hold Mother Circles to help fill this void. The days when I’m Mothering alongside another Mother... at a play date or just hanging out... they are when I feel most calm and at peace in my journey. I long for more of that but busy lives don’t always align. Anyway... as you can tell I could talk about this a lot. I’m so grateful to you for sharing this. Xxx
Thank you for sharing your experiences Lauren, it truly helped me process some of mine. And I resonate so much with the innate thirst for mothering in community. Something true, and real, and deep. I'm sorry to hear the walking group was another victim of Covid – it's a great resource to have touch points with other mums who are in the thick it. One conversation with another mum has the power to take me from "I'm failing at this, I'm a terrible mum" to "Ah, I'm pretty normal, my kids are doing okay." Xx
I've been thinking about this as well (wrote about it here too... :) ) Becoming Mother is so profound and has such enormous implications, yet in most societies we're left to figure it out alone with little support. It's so unreal.
You’re right, it’s unreal. Where is the generational wisdom? Is it lost forever? :( Will check out your piece too — thanks for your comment ❤️
It's such a big issue - but I do believe moments of reflection and connection (like this!) help. Look forward to reading more...
Oh I hear you Natasha thank you so much for sharing. I really think covid was such an awful time for mothers and first time mums esp and it is now when I can take my toddlers to groups that I want to reach back to my self back then because I didn’t know how isolated I was, I didn’t know it was loneliness I felt back then it was just all very hard.
I still feel lonely now I’m out of work or at least if do work it isn’t as much of a community or connection to the outside world that i felt in the office now i’m wfh.
I’m impressed you started your own walking group I never had the confidence to do something like that and now i can go to groups whilst i haven’t made loads of friends i can see the importance of just having some adult conversation and some support.
Your words will be a great comfort to others thank you.
Thank you so much for your comment Kylie-Ann. I can really relate to not knowing how isolated you were at the time, it's only on reflection that I truly recognise how alone I felt at that time and that I was truly in need of connection. Within weeks of starting the walking group I made everyone admin, so it takes the pressure off me solely managing it but also allows others to take lead on walk suggestions. It's been a good resource for all things baby and children. If you ever feel the pull, I'd encourage you to try; you never know! Xx
Thank you for sharing, Natasha ❤️
It felt so brave and raw and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. I’m so glad you have your walking group now. Connection with other women is so important.
I first gave birth in 2013 and I don’t know that I did feel lonely. There were a lot of other issues to consider but I found community there. I’m still close friends with a number of those women I found back then and they were always there at the end of my phone when I birthed my second baby in 2020.
I remember thinking, then, how fucking awful it would be if I didn’t know those women at that point. How fucking awful and scary and terrifyingly hard it would be if I’d gone through that - everything birthing in the pandemic threw at us - as my first time.
I think, after the pandemic, a lot of the loud noisy baby groups came back but lots of the other kind - the kind I benefited from - the kind where it’s not really about the baby or the songs but where you just sit and have a cuppa and someone else rocks your baby for five minutes so your arms can rest - those kinds of groups never resurfaced. I found that really hard. I looked for them in my local area really hard. and they were gone.
I set up a women’s health hub last April and we’re trying to fill this gap ❤️ but what I have found is that, people have almost forgotten what that kind of connection looks like. I’ve had to work really hard to remind them, to get them to come along, to show them how it can look.
I’m hopeful though that, if enough of us come together, and can sustain our energy for the work, that we can turn it around. Because, unlike haemorrhoids, I don’t think loneliness has to be a part of a persons postpartum experience.
❤️
Thank you for your insights Zoe and sharing, specifically the differences between your two children as it relates to socialising. Even with the walking group, which has provided to be a really valuable resource for many, had a certain shallowness to it being that it was manufactured. I think everyone is still learning how to be in the world and how to connect post-Covid, and that's paticularly difficult for new mums who are already questioning themselves so much; sometimes it's easier not to socialise and I believe a lot of women retreat as a result of that. F*ck pp loneliness! Xx